It been 3 days !

Have I really gotten over it?

It had been 3 days since I last messaged him to remind him to take his medications.

It had been 3 days since we last ask about each other.

I think he might be treating me like a normal friend.

He might had suffered a shocked after knowing how I felt towards him

Have I really put down my feeling towards him and ready to get back to work?

His images are appearing lesser in my thoughts. Maybe, its time that I should adhered to my principles not to get in any relationships before I departed for my studies at the end of the year.

Lets nature take its course would be my only way now. I shall not expected further.

PS: If I haven’t had to go study, I would have chosen not to tell you!

I just need some time now !

I would like to thank all my best friends who have spend the time with me yesterday. I know that I have put up a moody up front yesterday, I might have spoiled everyone mood but I really sorry that I can’t pick myself up to be happy after so much had happened.

Now I just need some time to be left alone, sort out my thoughts and calm things down. A lot of people had given me advised that just be a normal friend with him in ordered not to be so upset. I am thinking of that too. I know that things will not change over a night, his career will not blossom over a night nor he will have time for me over a night, thus, I decided to keep thing as it is and move on with life as well as let nature takes its course.

Thanks everyone for giving me all those suggestions and advised I really appreciate it. I know I will get him over, before my leave end. I will not let this affect my work because I treasured my patients more than my life. The sight of see my patient recovered makes me happier.

I finally made my decision towards this impossible relationship

I think its time for me to wake up from my dream. I felt so hurt when I learnt about the truth.

Deciding a solution for relationship had always been a difficult route for me, I finally made up my decision to give you up. I need time to cool off.

You should have rejected me straight away, but why give me hope to think that you have this slight feeling towards me?

You don’t have time and you wish to spend more time for your career.

Do I ever requested, that I want to be by your side every minute or second? I am also leaving at the end of the year for my studies. I just want to try out this relationship with you, and see if our relationship blossom? I am not desperate for a relationship that I need you to accommodate to me.

A message a day or meet up during weekend, I will be very happy and satisfied, am I asking too much?

I just want to be with someone that I find that we have common things and the person I love, is it that difficult?

Till now I am still confused why you don’t want to rejected me straight away, are you trying to be kind to me?

I have finally made my decision to give you up in order not to make myself suffered more

I hope that I can get you off my mind in this few weeks before my leave end.

PS: I choose to love the person I love than to let the person love me.

God, Please help me !

I am having palpitation every time I see you.

I enjoy the time when I see you and hope to see you every moment.

I realised I am suffocating…

I finally pick up my greatest courage to tell you that “I beginning to like you.”

My greatest fear is that I am leaving in 8 months...

What should I do?

God, please show me a way out, I need guidance…

I am certify as an Open Water Diver !

I am back from Palau Dayang... It is a very beautiful island in Malaysia but a bit far…
We were on the van for about 3 hour before we reach Mersing (Jetty to take boat to Dayang), then another 3 hours on the boat to reach Dayang. When we reached the island, it’s already about 4 am in the morning. We checked in the bunk and quickly had our nap before we officially started our 1st dive in the sea. But no matter how hard we tried to sleep we still felt that we are drifting and seem like on the boat. This drifting feeling followed with us till the day we back home we were all still feeling it.

All of us were very excited and scared. Firstly was because we were very beginner to diving, as it’s our first open water sea dive, secondly were because we were pretty afraid of the sea creatures, wondering what will they do to us.

Before we sunk down to the sea bed, we could see the corals on the boat when we look down, the water is really crystal clear. Then we were guided down by a rope as they afraid that we’ll drifted elsewhere since it’s our first dive. We took our exam at the first dive with the instructor – Vincent Tan aka Dr Tan, and a Dive Master - Han Yong, guided us along, with all the fishes swimming in front of us. It really wonderful experiences that make me forget about my fear. Although I suffered some cuts on my knees and palm but its all worth it.

The scariest dive was the 4th one, whereby we had an early departure on our second day. We did a dawn dive whereby the water visibility was very bad. Our vision was only about 10 meter thus we were only able to see our buddy. I am very scared that I couldn’t sink at first as I was experiencing some panic. Eventually I managed to calm myself down and sink to the bottom of the sea bed and it’s where the beautiful world appears.

During this dive I managed to see a String ray, some corals, “caterpillar”, other sea creatures that I dunno them as I unable to indentify by their names and not forgetting our guardian “Sea Cucumber” (as we seeing it almost throughout our dive no matter where we are and how bad visibility the water were.)

When our days finally came to an end, with exhaustion, I really can’t bear to leave the island. I really miss the place that till now I’m pestering my friends to go on a local dive with me. I even had a rush to take my Advance Open Water Dive as soon as possible before I leave in February. (My friends are thinking that I am insane.) Diving has really taken away my “soul”… I really miss it…

I WANT TO GO DIVING!

PS: I love Diving to the MAX!

Confusion !

I really think that i am going crazy soon... Nowadays i am very distracted by you appearance !
I think I need to tell someone about my feeling about you... So here i am to throw everything out !

I am confused !
Your face keep appearing in my mind !
Am i really in love with you or i just need some accompanied?
Do you have any feeling for me?
Can our relationship really blossom?
I really admire your talent but what about you?

Could someone tell me not to dream anymore...
Could someone slap me in my face telling me not to hurt you as i will be leaving next year and our relationship will not blossom...

HELP ! You are really killing me...

Its been a long time since i had such feeling towards someone.
I think I really in love with you !

PS: God, pls tell me what to do.., I don't wish to get myself involved in a relationship with him! It will make me unbearable to leave when the time comes...

24 Hours is getting not enough !

Today the weather is perfectly fine, I am schedule on night shift, thus taking this little time of mine to blog regarding my disappearance for the past few days. I am kind of occupied with my arrears.

Let’s start from 4 days ago after my night shift. As I am currently taking up Open Water Diving course, thus I need to complete my pool session and theory session within a week as I am schedule to go for an open water dive in Malaysia this weekend.

After my night shift, I straight away attended my pool session at Outram Secondary School. It is a nearly 8 hour lesson. It was super tiring as we haven’t master the technique of breathing in water thus we are always very breathless under water trying to keep afloat and sinking at the bottom of the water. I reach home nearly 6pm and I jump into my bed straight away before I wake up to attend my theory lesson the next day. I finally passed my theory lesson and now awaiting for my practical lesson test. Hopefully, I am able to make it.

After tonight, I am working for night shift the next day then I will be going for my practical test in Malaysia. I am excited and looking forward towards it.

I also have not been hanging out with my friends recently due to my roster. Thus my friends are complaining that I haven’t been spending time with them. It is really difficult, as our roster is really tiring recently. Although I still have my off days but I really feel tired and want to take my rest at home instead of going out, plus I quite broke too. Just hope that my friends could really understand a bit on my situation. Feeling upset whenever they mentioned that I haven’t had time for them. It is really difficult to find some time out with my friends and taking my “rest time”. I would appreciate that they gave me the understanding.

Lastly I think I should get some nap now before my shift and will most likely update when I am back from my trip in Malaysia.

PS: If god could make a day longer.

Orange Alert !

Orange Alert… Orange Alert… OMG!

I was shopping with Rachel in Tampines Mall yesterday when we received a call from the ward saying that it Orange Alert now. 2 days ago, it was still Yellow Alert and now Orange. Hai~ It terrifying nowadays to received call from the ward.

I am on morning shift today since they announce Orange Alert yesterday. So all of us got to change into scrub suit and wear N95 mask the whole day in hospital. I am nursing a cardiac patient today, and it quite tiring. Thanks to my neighbour who have helped me. Its really very uncomfortable nursing patient with N95 mask as you will get hypoxic, due to breathing too much Carbon Dioxide. It makes us giddy too if we move too fast or walk too fast. So I tend to slow down slightly in case I fainted and coded! ~Choi~

Well tomorrow I am on morning shift again! But I am scheduled on standby to CDC 2 if there is an infectious and critical paediatric case. So far I think we only have 2 suspected but no confirmed case yet. God please bless that we don’t have any!

I am quite tired after a long and busy day at work, so I shall not talk much but get to bed soon. I shall update more tomorrow. Oh, I didn’t take noted of today weather as I’m most of the time in isolated room. I think today weather was good… Am I right?

PS: Orange Alert is good enough… Please do not proceed to Red!