Confession !

I decided that it time for me to confessed to you. (Regarding the lies that i have told ! )

I don't know how i should do it, maybe i am thinkin of writting an email to you or talk to you face in face.

I really think its time for me to do it now.

I don't wish to tell anymore lies to you because i need to find another lie to cover the previous lie that i had told.., I feel so miserable.

i still thinking of what i should write, just give me more time to think !

I want to end the lies as soon as possible...

Sorry that i had told you so much lies, it just that i am afraid !

PS: I don't wish to be a lier anymore...

Crush Vs Crash !

I never had this kind of feeling being “SLAP” on my face kind of feeling before.

Now I felt it and I realise that reality is so cruel and things happens for a reason. I got to know things that I not suppose to know.

It is a kind of scarily and a kind of you really do not knows how you should react to this situation.

Anyway what had happen, had happened and what I not suppose to know I have already learnt it. Accepting the truth and facing the consequences is what I should do now.

PS: More disappointment then sadness…

(Loving you is accepting as who you are !)

I had found and lost you - My angel !

I seem to fall for a person quite fast, is that abnormal?

I think this time I have met my dream guy.
He is older than me, tall, and (He is charming and handsome in my eyes) good looking.
He is also very filial to parent (for what I have known so far).
He is also very talent (In my context).
He is an angel in my heart!

The only thing that is stopping me for expressing myself is that I had to leave for study to Australia in 3 months.
I am always trying to control my feeling towards him in order not let him have the feeling that I had crush in him.
I tried to ignore him at time but that really hurt and I can’t bear myself to ignore him.

I do not know how he felt towards me but I keep telling myself that he doesn't like me at all.
I keep telling myself that he is not the one that I looking for.
He and I can never be together.
I am not his cup of tea
I am not the type of person that he will fall for.
He has a better choice out there waiting for him.

I really don’t want to hurt him, as I knew that he has been hurt recently and is still mending his broken heart.
I really hope I can be the one to mend his heart, but I can’t.
I feel like asking him to wait for me a year but I find it too selfish.
I feel like telling him how i felt toward him before I leave but that will leave him misery.

I think the only thing that I could do now is to keep this feeling to myself and at the back of my heart. In order not to hurt him further, as loving a person is about seeing him happy and not sad. Thus I shall take all the misery and leave the happiness to him.

I came across this notes that post by someone:
"I am addicted to a person. I would want to see/hear/listen to her every day! I would not be able to sleep well or do my things properly without knowing her doings and all.”

I think that is what I am going through this now.

Lastly, I really hope that he find someone that know how to cherish and love him in the future.

PS: To my angel - You will always have a little space in my heart. This feeling will always be a secret till the day I graduate from my study.